can't satisfy everyone

Dear Noel,

Thanks for the newsletter! This school year at my child care center we have 3 (all just 3yrs old) children who respond to every request made to them with a temper tantrum or whining and crying. Two of the children's parents have been cooperative and supportive. These two families we have had a long relationship with and our willing to work with us to help their children through this difficult time. The other family has been extremely critical of our techniques. The parents claim that the child has never had a temper tantrum, doesn't have crying fits, has never become violent towards another child or adult prior to coming to our center. These behaviors the child did come here with. The other 2 children didn't start having tantrums and crying/whining episodes until about 2-3 weeks after this child came to our program.

We have used the "tried & true" methods with all of the children. Usually just ignoring the behavior and removal from the area until the child can calm down and hold a discussion works. I've been in the field of ECE for over 21 years and my staff as from 7-18 yrs. of education & experience. These methods don't work with this child. One afternoon this child just couldn't stop. A high pitched scream that was lasting for more than 20mins. He didn't want to held, didn't want to talk (ever time someone tried he would just scream louder and try to hit/kick them)--My teachers and I were at our wits end. I walked out of the office and began to pretend about how mad and sad I was about having to do all of my paper work, how tired I was and just wanted my mommy! This child immediately stopped looked at me and began to laugh. We all laughed. I asked him to come over and talk to me. I said to him, "Didn't I look pretty silly?" He respond with a smile and a giggle "Ya, you were being silly" Then I asked him "Do you think I should be upset because I have to do my job?" He responded "No" (still smiling!) "Do you know what your job is? Your job is to have fun! Why don't you just go do what you have to do, put on your coat and go outside with friends and have some fun!" He said O.K., did what he had to do, went outside, & had a great day. This incident happened about 1 1/2 months ago. Since that day his tantrums/whining/crying has almost disappeared.

My staff and I have reported daily to the parents how his day went. Now here comes the drama. His older brother attends our afterschool program. He was there that day when this all happened. He was even laughing with us and at me too! Just this week, he was mad at me because I had asked his afterschool teacher to look in his backpack (at his mom's request) for the homework assignments to photocopy just in case it gets lost...I told him that I wasn't acussing of not doing his homework, but just doing what his mom asked us to do. Well, if looks could kill, I would have been!

The next afternoon the mom comes storming into the building acussing me of inappropiate behavior, being unprofessional, humiliating her children and that the teachers are neglectful for not telling her that i "embarassed and humilated her son". My teachers & I tried to explain her that in no way was I trying to humilate but rather try to distract, re-direct & make light of a situation--and it worked. She didn't care that it worked. We're all just evil people in her eyes.

This is just one of many unsucessful interactions we have had with this mom & dad. If we are so horrible & unprofessional why do they keep their children here? I couldn't answer that--but I am going to tell them today when they come in "discuss" (yell & scream at us again) we truly enjoyed getting to know their children and we wish them much success in the future, please make other childcare arrangements.

Any feedback on this subject would be great! Hope to hear from you and others soon!
Thanks for letting me vent!
---Chris